I found this old story while combining through my files…enjoy!
Beep beep…beep beep…beep beep.
He looks at the clock. ‘It’s 3:30’ he thought to himself as he reached over and pushed the snooze button. As he lay looking up at the ceiling he thought how pointless it would be to go back to sleep only to be awoken nine minutes later.
‘Nine minutes? What collection of idiots came up with that anyway? Why didn’t they just make it ten? Does that one minute really make a difference? I mean really, did they think that by making it nine instead of ten I’d be getting a jump on my day?’
He looked at the clock again – 3:30… ‘Bastards,’ he thought to himself as he rolled over and shut off the alarm, ‘I gotta get a new job.’
Forcing himself to get up nine minutes early, he stumbles across the floor to the bathroom. Entering the room, he turns on the light and is confronted with himself in the mirror. Lifting up and then dropping his belly, he thinks ‘I gotta lose some weight.’
He opens the bathroom door and sees his shrew of a wife standing there with his uniform in hand. “It’s about damn time…better move it lard ass, shit ain’t gonna deliver itself!” she says with a despising look.
“Bitch” he mutters as he walks down the hall. Fumbling around in the dimly lit space, he gets dressed and heads for the front door.
Exiting the house a cold blast of air chills his face.’I gotta move to a warmer climate, this place is always so fucking cold,’ As he walks to the garage, he thinks ‘maybe I can telecommute,…nope! I hate this job.’
He opens the garage doors and hears, “Merry Christmas Santa! Good Luck tonight!” ‘Bastards’ he mutters as he gets in the sleigh and takes off into the night.
Edited Life 